Being A Giver & Finding Balance

I am a giver by nature; even to the detriment of myself. I like to see other people happy, make them happy, help out in any way - often forgetting myself in the process. Not too long ago, I had a surprise party for my 29th birthday and had a big aha! moment some days after.

That birthday reminded me of who was truly there for me and showed up for me, because I'm just not used to having that many people at once be there. I'm uncomfortable with receiving without feeling I also need to give something in return. I have to tell myself, it's okay to take when others want to give. 

Aside from realizing this, I realized how often I wear myself thin trying to give too much of myself in every aspect of life. Instead of thinking what I need I often think of what others need before myself. And in turning 29, and getting closer to 30, I realize I need to change this for my own happiness, emotional health and overall well-being.

While thinking of others is a good attribute to have, failing to think of myself in return isn't so great for my energy levels or the state of regard I've had for my unmet needs. So I've thought of some things I can do to help me stand firm in my needs and also regenerate when I'm feeling drained from giving too much of myself. 

1. Just say no. This is a struggle when you want to people please, but a must. I've learned that it's okay to say no! The world will not fall apart. All will be well. And most importantly you will say no to something you probably didn't want to do to begin with anyway. People might be upset, but they'll get over it! 
2. Think before saying yes. This is an important one because when you are wired to always want to give you don't think twice about saying yes. This can put you in a situation where you burn yourself out because you didn't really take the time to think about if it was something you really wanted to do. Then you end up doing something that you're really not up to doing, and this not only can build resentment against other people, but also teaches people that you will always say yes.
3. Create boundaries. If you are asked to do something and want to help out but are limited in time, energy, etc., then be blunt about this. Let others know that you can help but will need some collaboration with others because you can't do it yourself. Being able to find this middle ground is also helpful in building confidence and boundaries, as well as respecting your feelings and your time. Respect comes from what you allow by how much you respect yourself.
4. Rest. When you're not busy saying, yes/no, giving, or trying to create some boundary in your life - rest. Rest is where you will reenergize and refill yourself, and you are only able to give what you have. If you are so burnt out, you will have nothing left to give, even to yourself. Rest helps you reflect and regain insight on to how your actions can affect your well-being, even a simple yes. Sometimes you just need some me time, and don't feel guilty for it.

It's important to try these when you can, build up your confidence in doing what you truly feel is right for you, and not feeling guilty for doing what others want. Whether it is work, friendships or relationships, being able to stand up for yourself makes all the difference when it comes to respecting yourself. There is nothing wrong with saying yes when you want to, but there also isn't anything wrong with saying no when you need to. Life is about balance. Give and take. Give a little to yourself by respecting your own internal boundaries.